as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
