I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
