yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
