He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
