he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
