why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
