I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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