she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
