This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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