i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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