happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
