i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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