I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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