My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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