Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
