Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
