i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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