i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
