im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
