It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
