I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
