this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
