Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
