don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
