people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
