i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
