i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
