can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
