went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
