I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
