walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
