Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
