Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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