Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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