remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
