Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
