My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
