I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
