But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
