i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
50% drunk capacity currently
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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