singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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