Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
