I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
send nudes
from the living room?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
