Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
