umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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