he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
