if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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