the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
