If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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