At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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