Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
